To my friends and family who might frown upon reading this… this is not for you. This is for the lives that are about to be reaped if the stigma of mental health continues. This is me doing my part for the world.
This one may be a cliché but the first thing I do when I’m exhausted is enjoy some visual entertainment. I go on an adventure with a movie like The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, be swept away by romance like City of Angels, Little Manhattan or Chasing Liberty, or ride on the thriller train with Stranger Things and Lord of The Rings.
Binge for 3 days to a week if your body is really needing a wind down. Listen to it and it will tell you how much time you need.
After that, the negativity you’re feeling is out of your system.
It’s a decent purge, I tell ya.
2. Catch up on what you saved
Saving too many bookmarks full of blog posts, articles and videos that you thought you’ll ever watch but never got around to? Me too.
Since I use Pomello, a little Pomodoro timer when I’m working, the pockets of 5-10 minute breaks are then my chance to catch up on some of them.
You can do this too and set aside a minimal of 20-30 minutes. And if you’re ever more vacant than that, go for an hour or three.
3. See the sun and feel the outdoors
So much immersion plugged all day to the internet can wear you down. Break the cycle for a bit by enjoying the outdoors and the sunshine.
You’d be surprised at what 20 minutes of walking or playing outside can do to your mood.
As a mama, this part is inserted in my weekly routine when Avis insists on going outside to the clubhouse grounds. It’s really hard to say no to that kid you know? Especially if she’s been cooped up and busy with Youtube or indoor playing for days. Yikes.
If you’re totally busy like my daughter, you could maybe get the chance by walking when you’re doing your daily commute instead of conveniently riding to a near destination.
Another idea is to bike your way around if you have one. It’s effortless, laid back but nonetheless a good exercise.
Or ya know, just put the damn smartphone and go out in your yard or the curb of your street! Stand there and breathe the air, smell the earth and feel the sun. ☀️🌱🍃
4. Do short minute exercises
Feeling sluggish lately?
It’s usually because of lack of exercise, just ask my friend Coach Sofia.
Personally I like High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) and plyometrics for 10-20 minutes each round. It challenges my body to rely on weight and intensity to work out my muscles especially my legs and core.
Just cause you’re working or you’re busy with a project or a client doesn’t mean you can ignore your social needs.
Check your social calendar to see if you have upcoming events.
Hmm. Probably none? I hear you.
Use this time to catch up with friends and relatives. Like they say, “No man is an island”.
Each week you can rotate with different friends, sorting them by proximity or how close their location is.
Budget constraints or don’t feel like going out? No problem.
Allot one day to a particular friend you’ve been dying to catch up all year long and do just that. Choose from Facebook, Viber, Snapchat, Hangouts or Twitter. Even Instagram nowadays is picking up their game on messaging. But yo one word of advice, phone calls and video calls are so much better than typing.
6. Write your to-do’s for the upcoming day or week
I know this might sound counter-intuitive, but trust me, there’s nothing like a freed up schedule.
Another free service I use is Trello. It’s like a virtual corkboard where you can organize your tasks. They have apps for the web, the iPhone, iPad, and Android models too so you can bring it anywhere you go.
For now these are my top two, but I promise to write an ultimate list of productivity and management apps and software I use!
To get first news, sign up on my newsletter and I’ll let you know when it’s published!
7. Unplug and meditate
Go on a technology detox and shut off your interaction from any gadget during your day off. It’s good for the soul while it lets you reflect on your overall being.
I do yoga and pilates on my spare time, and on days where I play with my daughter or I feel down, I refrain from checking my social media.
It’s hard to keep up when you’re back but hey it’s worth it.
No confusing notifications and headaches for a while!
8. Attend an event
Empty days like the weekends can be repetitive. Shake it up for a change by participating in a local event like a conference, a meetup or a bazaar.
Isn’t there something magical and romantic in it, don’t you think? While your romantic relationship may or may not exist, it’s still very important to nurture the one with ourselves.
💡 Here are some ideas:
Set up a cozy fine shrine for you, complete with your vision board, dreams and cut out clippings for your future better self.
Treat yourself to a nice hearty homemade meal – candlelights recommended.
Go to a place where you can be quiet and alone with your soul, like a park or a graveyard (yep! It’s not that spooky in my opinion! Famous writers do it!)
Buy flowers and address it to yourself, or pick some from the local flower shop. You can also buy a potted plant and grow it on your own.
10. Write yourself a letter
When you’re not having your best week, writing yourself a letter can be therapeutic.
There are 3 forms for this:
Letter of forgiveness. Forgive yourself for feeling guilty and down. There are best days and worst ones, and from my experience, you just have to roll with life to thrive and survive. Forgive yourself for working too hard or too little, because that’s okay. Your days will vary and know that the only pressure you feel is from you.
Letter of appreciation. Gratitude, they say, is the best medicine to a really bad day. Thank yourself for who you are, what you’re capable of, and how far you’ve come can uplift you.
Letter to your future self. Time capsule, anyone? I was watching Peppa Pig with my two-year-old daughter and in one episode they decide to make a time capsule. It’s a really neat idea to have something from the past uncovered in the future. My best bet is you write something that you’d want to read later on. It could be like a dialogue or a discussion of your goals and see years from now if it will happen. Now, that’s magic folks!
11. Join a community
It’s a great feeling to belong somewhere. Whether it be online or offline, finding a group where you share common interests is fun, engaging and enlightening.
A sense of belonging is one of the cornerstones in achieving your greater self.
Remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?
Yep. That one.
Find one of the strongest pursuits in your field of interests (say, fitness, blogging or cosmetics) and search a community for it. Chances are, there’s already an existing one waiting to be found.
Bake cookies and send them in bags around your neighborhood
Thank the regular blue collar people who come by your house like the newspaper guy, the post man, the street vendor or even the security guard at your favorite establishments and tell them you’re grateful for their service
Send an e-card randomly to a friend
Put together a playlist
And if you’re still feeling a little low and can’t get over the hump, here are 5 energizing habits you can DEFINITELY do any day:
Brush your teeth.
It sounds mundane but there’s this wonder of having clean teeth and minty breath to rejuvenate you!
When I’m demotivated, it’s surprising how I break the funk once I brush my teeth. Turns out, I’m just annoyed by not having clean teeth. Maybe this’ll work for you too! 🙂
Take a bath.
Cold baths are for when you need a jolt and warm baths are for lazy, long sluggish days.
Choosing the right kind of bath is like a make or break. Because hey, if you’re feeling lazy and you so unknowingly jump into cold shower… guess what? It’ll put your mood off even more. It’s like drinking black coffee when you’re really thirsty.You’re not getting what your body needs.
Rather, take a warm bath to soothe your senses, open up your pores and enjoy a relaxing and healing magic of water.
On the other hand, don’t get a warm bath when you need to hurry!
Got it? Good.
Successful and goal-oriented people surround themselves with inspiration.
It could be people or things, places or quotes you find on BrainyQuotes (don’t you just loooove the many quotes there?!).I, myself, use a Chrome extension called Momentum to get my day started. It’s my substitute for coffee (I quit 10 months ago) and it gives me a glimpse of the time, an inspirational quote, my to-do’s, the weather and my favorite bookmarks. It’s become my essential for the day.
And no, this isn’t a sponsored post mwahaha. I wish! But Momentum is cool as a polar bear that I would absolutely suggest having on your Chrome browser. Sorry Safari and Microsoft Edge users. They’re not available for you yet.
You can inspire yourself too, by talking to a living inspiration. Have you always wanted to chat with that artist or maker you admire?
Go ahead and message them!
You never know, they might just reply! It’ll definitely make your day.
And while you’re at it, thank them for their talent and go ask them useful questions like what do they do when they’re down, how do they find inspiration in what they do and why they do it.
Have a planner.
I’ve heard of people who are not much of planners and all I can say is, even if you’re one of the crowd, there’s always room for a little planning.
Life just calls for it if you haven’t noticed.If you don’t like the idea of dotting your I’s and crossing your T’s then think of it as a rough preparation.Planning makes your thoughts tangible, and that’s what makes it so powerful to help you get over the slump.
I recommend one with a monthly/yearly calendar and ample spaces to write appointments as well as blank spaces for your mini and macro goals.
A perfect example would be my GYFS workbook – did I mention it’s only 5 pages?
You’ll love it once you get it!
Sign up below to get it free straight to your inbox 🙂 yas, it’s fuh-reeee!
Laugh and get a hug.
Watch a comedy movie – I recommend anything Jennifer Aniston, Adam Sandler and Jason Segel.
Crack a joke and chuckle at yourself for being corny.Get a hug from someone you love, or even a friendly stranger. Yes, your pets count too!Because it’s true, laughter and hugs are the best medicine.
There you go! I hope these tips sincerely help you.
Let me know what worked and what didn’t in the comments below. I would love to hear your feedback!
Need help? Want to start goal-setting or figuring out your life path but don’t know how? Contact me here and I’ll respond to you as fast as I can. 🙂
Note: This post contains affiliate links to some services but not directly affiliated with and promoted by the companies. Read more about this blog’s partnerships & disclosure policy for more information.
Be part of the first Health and Wellness Fair this October!
Design Your Health is a 2-day holistic health and wellness fair that aims to promote holistically healthy lifestyle.
It showcases the importance of your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual activities that affect the overall design of your health and well-being.
Aimed towards entrepreneurial moms, young professionals, and health-conscious consumers, Design Your Health proposes a unique approach to wellness. Attendees and participants will be treated to a healthy mixture of stores, workshops, clinics, and talks that introduce and showcase a holistically healthy lifestyle.
It’s happening this October 8 and 9, 2016 at the Mandala Park, Shaw Boulevard, Mandaluyong City.
The event will feature 50 bazaar exhibitors: workshops on arts, fitness and entrepreneurship; and talks by experts on health and wellness.
Click on below links to see what workshop/ class that suits your needs and preferences best:
Entrance Fee to the Expo: 150php (FREE if you register to at least 1 of the workshops)
Design Your Health is brought to you by Unilab Foundation. All proceeds of the fair will go fund the health programs of Unilab Foundation particularly on kids’ nutrition, therapeutic and developmental play for children, and employment of persons with disabilities.
Contact: Tiffany Vargas 09985603398
for inquiries or sponsorship.
I highly recommend on going. I’m stoked to see what’s in store for us tomorrow. Remember, wellness is overall. It starts within you, through you and by you.
You will do most of the things from your “everything-to-do” list, and you will be fulfilled. You will no longer need validation from anyone because you are whole.
You are not your salary, your job title, your friends list, your number of likes, how many beers you drank, coffees you sipped, teas you’ve tried, cigarettes you smoked, people you fooled with, jobs you’ve quit, songs you’ve cried to, photos you took, photos you deleted, people you forgot, people you met or the reflection in your foggy bathroom mirror you keep talking to.
You are the vision behind your eyes.
You are your experiences,
you are every waking breath and every sleeping hour.
The tears you shed and the laughter you got caught up in… All amount to the greatness that is you.
So don’t let your dreams die.
Don’t let your heart become cold.
Even when the world seeks you to feign love and happiness… try to be kind. But most of all, be kind to yourself.
You only have you. No one else can be you.
So please, love yourself.
And remember that mountains were once mounds on the earth.
“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
The title of this post is my favorite Latin phrase: “A rough road leads to the stars”. It resonates deeply with me. And so does Ralph Waldo Emerson. I live by his quotes. I wholeheartedly love all of his wisdom.
But going where there was no path was not idyllic. Life wasn’t easy. And it sure showed me how.
This is my story, and I want to share with you some of the most important lessons I have ever learned. Maybe it will save you time in the long run, maybe from heartache, maybe it will help you avoid the mistakes that I did – who knows, the universe only does. Now before you go ahead and read it… I want you to understand 3 things:
This isn’t for you IF:
you’re the kind of person who feels they’re better than anyone else. I do not need your prejudice, I’m here to talk about what happened in order to become who I am today, and why stopovers & rejections in life were vital to my current position.
you think life is the same pattern for everyone else like it is for you.
you are not an empathic listener.
you are not passionate about life.
you refuse to embrace the waves of change.
Life will break you – whether or not you want it.
My reality and truth may make you uncomfortable, but as they say, experience, is a great teacher.
If you are okay with everything from above, click on below. Otherwise, I’ll advise you to click the X button on your window.
Read my full story
The Dark Years (2011-2013)
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.Apple Inc.
At 20, I had to force-drop out of college.
I’m so close to completing my 4-year-course in BS Interior Design at University of Santo Tomas when everything fell through. Some conflicts with professors & subjects… I figured, I shouldn’t stay if I only had to repeat and pay for the same knowledge again.
I didn’t have that much of a solid game plan, but I wanted out.
I didn’t want my parents to suffer financially and that time I was already getting bored with the academic system that I wanted to get as far as possible, and instead finish my course abroad.
I love interior design, I had no doubt about it nor in me. I was confident I would be successful in it, but I was naive at how.
And then there was my marriage.
I was married once, separated & turned into an almost-divorcee after irreconcilable differences with my American ex-husband… it was a relationship I thought would last until I was 85.
We were best friends and we loved each other but we battled long distance and I gave up after his infidelity. It turns out it wasn’t meant to be, and in March 2015, he died and I was a Filipina widow at 24.
To be invested wholly in someone else, build dreams together and put your life on their hands was beautiful and destructive. But things happened for a reason; through him I met some of the most important people in my life who’ve seen me through ups and downs. It was because of them that I started being positive. Still, the constant battle of getting back up at life proved to be hard. Depression has embraced me and I felt suffocated.
Nobody knew I fell into it for 3 long years while also battling H. Pylori along with a handful of lab tests and clinic visits, except for my mother and a few close friends.
Christmas of 2013, with my puffy eyes and sleepy self, I climbed up to my condominium’s rooftop to check my laundry… but ending up standing on the edge, ready to jump and end my life.
It was horrible. Things were all going the wrong way at the same time.
I wanted to die.
Life from 2011-2012 was an extremely dark tunnel I couldn’t get out.
Grasping For Light (2013-2014)
Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic.Laini Taylor
In summer of 2013, I finally had my life together (somehow, professionally). I had a job as a graphic designer & visual merchandiser at a major local surplus outlet in Philippines.
“This is the life,” I thought.
I was 21 at this point, and not long enough in 3 months I got promoted. In 6 months, I was the retail marketing supervisor for their nationwide branches. In early 2014, I got transferred to handle worldwide trading.
Depression was not so much an issue anymore, as my busy days kept me from feeling sad. But at the back of my mind, and in my heart… I felt so old. My career was on a fast lane, I was earning more than my peers but after a year I was burnt out. I had a lot of money, a stable career but I wasn’t happy.
It only took me a year to realize that I wasn’t from the same mold like everyone else.
I was young, but I could feel myself withering away.
What was the point of living then, if I was living miserably?
I had to find answers. And so I did.
The Revival & The Fluctuation (2014)
You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.Joel Osteen
I revived my online lifestyle brand, Tavolozza, which I founded in 2011 during my sophomore college years. I always believed in this little shop of mine, but during the course of rebuilding it I learned I was with child. Things halted again when I wanted them to move forward.
I had feelings of mixed joy and anxiety. It was the best & scariest news I’ve ever gotten. I’ve been praying for a child for 3 years, and I’ve always wanted to be a young mama… yet somehow it never manifested until I gave up praying to the universe. I guess timing has its own right.
During the course of the 2014 – and my pregnancy – I fell hard again into depression. No productivity for me meant that I was idle and I was burning hours when I didn’t want to. It wasn’t even post-partum yet I was suffering badly. I think it was because of the meds I took during my 2013 ordeal with my health, but I wasn’t sure.
And during these dark moments… all I ever really thought of was, “if I came out of this hole, I’m never letting anyone feel what I felt ever again. I’ll do what I can to stop it.”
I started a private non-profit organization to provide free and alternative education to poverty-stricken communities. I want people to be able to have the knowledge that I had and be able to work for what they love. I was lucky to land on a corporate job, but I thought of the people in far-flung areas and they weren’t so privileged like I was.
I wanted to give everyone a fair chance.
Being in the dark place wasn’t so bad, after all.
I kept questioning my purpose, my life… while I was actually being led to something even greater.
I couldn’t see it during it was happening though. I was still blind.
The Rebirth (2015)
For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.Cynthia Occelli
Having Avis Julia made me have more sense of urgency. I needed to get my plans going – right away.
It was good pressure, because it made me push for execution more. Although I did have postpartum depression, just as I expected… I was still able to do the things I said I would do, bit by bit and in the right pace. It was a slow headstart, but at least I was progressing.
In August 2014, I finished Tavolozza’s website but the launch was still pending. I was also able to get on with Amplified27 and put up its own landing page. But there was something that couldn’t make me jumpstart it all at once in a grandiose way.
Perhaps I was afraid of the response – if it was too much, or too early but I knew I had to do it anyway.
But the thing is, I was doing what I love and I wasn’t getting tired of it!
Summer of 2015: I was able to travel to 3 different provinces and explore Philippines.
Away from my daughter for a while, I did my online job on the road as a marketing strategist for Nursery Design (a baby furniture company in Melbourne) while on vacation. It’s the best job I’ve ever taken since I’ve quit the cubicle life, and it has allowed me to earn full-time on a flexible schedule.
When I returned from Cebu and Palawan, I thought of putting up another startup – one that caters to an interest-based curated travel for Philippines.
There was something about the things that didn’t work out with me that allowed me to do something in line with my life’s values. The things that I’ve learned, the people that I’ve met, the circumstances that happened… they shaped me.
If there was anything that changed in me, it was the increased burning desire to help other people live their lives in fulfillment. I’ve developed this heightened sense of compassion.
Prior to this I only wanted to better myself – study, graduate, get a job, get a masters or maybe marry.
But that wasn’t what life intended me to do. It was as if it had to usher me in experiencing these so-called status quo so that I may be able to decide what I want to do and who I want to become at an early age.
Deep inside, I wanted to do meaningful work, but it wasn’t revealed to me until my darkest period.
Now I work with passion and I only accepted things that were of good to me. Even if misery presented itself, I would go and try again. Fall once, rise up eight. That’s the spirit I’ve cultivated.
Of course it isn’t as easy as it sounds, but trust me. Once you’ve gotten used to the negativities – the pain, the rejection, the failure – all of it makes you stronger, if not numb. It’s quite like the antibodies that you’ve developed after you’ve gotten sick. The bad turns into something good.
I am now enjoying the kind of life I want for myself, still not there and still not a success but to me I’m proud of coming out of that deep dark hole. Things wouldn’t have turned out the way they were if it weren’t for the stops and cracks.
And all of it leads me to where I am now.
Right on this blog.
I think you were meant to read this.
As your takeaway, here’s what I’ve learned:
Life’s lessons will present itself in its raw form, but you will be blind until it’s over. The grueling pain that I had to endure emotionally and physically was something I wouldn’t recommend but once this happens to you… do not panic. Call someone you trust, someone who’s known you your whole life – it could be a family member, a friend or your significant other. The important thing is not to carry this burden alone.
If help does not come, make your move. More often than not, the people around you won’t understand what you’re going through. They will be there for you but not with you. In case this happens, will yourself to create your future. Take action. Do not wait until help comes.
Rejection is protection. If you get turned away from something you want so bad, it must not really be for you. Think of it as a redirection from the universe.
The right person will come along and sweep you off your feet, things are great and before you know it you’ve fallen in love. But you cannot discount yourself from your real value… or you’re giving your significant other the power to rule over your life. By constantly seeing that you value yourself, your partner does as well. He/she will respect your worth. Isn’t this pretty much how before you started? You leave good impressions to attract them.
Productivity and travel are the cure to sadness. Knowing you’re doing something worthy of your existence will shun all the doubts and ghosts of your brain. Go out and explore! Nature will heal you, I promise. You’re made to do great things, so claim it and the universe will allow it!
Start a hobby that you think you might like. For me it was cooking that changed me. Every time I put out a lovely dish I made at home, I felt a sense of accomplishment and a well-founded purpose. There’s just a lovely magic in doing something productive so I suggest to pick up a hobby when life feels flat.
It could be just as simple as collecting pictures, or taking photos or as grand as enrolling in a workshop meant to hone your skills.
Not everyone is from the same cookie cutter. Life can be normal for other people, yes they do make the wisest decisions, but I’ve figured a lot of people are so blind to the fact that real drama does happen. When shit hits the fan, they cannot believe it. And thus, it leads me to the next bullet point…
Your lowest moments will reveal who the real people in your life are. Might be a cliche, but this is indeed true. The moment that everything in your life is knee-deep in misery is when you know who has the patience to tolerate you and to be kind to you. Love these people. They are your source of strength.
School does not equal merit. Diplomas are not equal to guaranteed greatness. I’ve learned this the hard way. When I dropped out I thought my life would be put on hold, I came to feel like I was less of myself. But I was wrong. When I had my marketing job, I got to interview people, most of them from prestigious schools who graduated with diplomas and honors but they didn’t have the skills that made them fit for the job. They were “textbook junkies”. And when asked for a practical question they can only mutter “um” or look me in the eye. Don’t be textbook junkie. Your success depends on YOU. You are your greatest life project. Do not let the academic status quo stop you from being awesome.
Learning does not stop in school. With that being said, I got into self-learning and enrolling in online courses. Internet is your friend if you want to learn from the greatest and even the simplest of minds. Don’t stop learning. Knowledge and perseverance will be your greatest assets.
It’s okay to think and feel you may want to die, BUT NEVER DO IT. The idea of suicide is at most, just an extreme frustrating release. You want things to be better but they don’t happen. I saw it as a solution during my worst times, and an escape from this cold-hearted world. I no longer felt like I belonged. To me, I lost my value, my voice, my heart. When I wanted to speak, I would find myself holding back.
“No one could possibly understand from where I’m standing,” yes I hear you. I’ve thought of it too.
But killing yourself is not going to make things better. It just stops your life.
You can make your weakness your power. Think of how many people you could help with your dilemma, when you finally get out of your position.
How fulfilling it would feel?
How many dreams you’ve wanted to pursue?
How people will feel about your death?
They say suicide is a selfish thing, but I think a lot of people who died from suicide, just really thought of what they thought was best for themselves. They weren’t able to get help from anyone. It’s not necessarily selfish as it would be a prejudice, but it seems they wanted to hand themselves a sense of peace.
In my case, I killed myself in my head many times but I never found the courage to leave, simply because my goals and my desire for helping people burned so strong I didn’t want to leave this world. In that way, I somehow recreated myself time and time again, like a phoenix rising from the ashes reincarnating. This is an alternative way instead of taking your life.
During that worst time, I kept thinking about the goals I could do, and people I could help get through the same feeling I did. I kept thinking of people I love who I might leave.
And so, I looked for comfort in those who believed in me.
I did allow myself to feel crappy, but once it was done I rose from the bed, ate my breakfast, made lunch and declared, “The rest of today will be a good day! I will live and do things that make me happy and fulfilled, and I will succeed!”
Depression is a friend who loves you endlessly. It loves you unconditionally, without barriers. And more often, it smothers you… but all it really wants is to allow you to feel so you can rise above the challenges life is throwing you, helping you to go through it instead of around it. This friend wants to make you braver, stronger and so invincible that it leaves you nothing less but your life to fulfill.
Depression is not the one who gave you your problems; it’s just a by-product, an emotion. It is not a situation. You can get out of it.
Once I understood this, I started to have shorter episodes, and more time planning on how I can make my life better. I ask myself after, “what can I do today to get me one step closer of being happy?”.
Depression kept embracing me all these years, but I never hugged it back. I felt like a horrible friend to Depression. It was just helping me become stronger so no one and nothing can break me again. It wants me to get used to Pain, who’s my boundary watch. When I saw things this way and embraced depression back, amazing things began to happen. I began to see through people and feel what they felt.
Problems are phases. People are points. We always have the power to change our situation if we choose to. I never liked hearing this before but this is truth in my experience. Problems are just phases, stopovers. People are points. One does not represent the other.
Learn to separate each unfortunate event as they are. The problem I encountered most was that I didn’t know how to segmentize my suffering. I just thought of it as a whole chaos that was meant to make my life hell.
When I separated each problem and let go of what haunts me, it allowed me to look at my life as a book with chapters instead of just one gunky page written with no stops.
A story can be hard to read that way, right? So is your life.
You need to be able to see that your life has its highlights and its shadows. Too much of each is not ideal, but a good balance makes for a good-looking picture.
Surround yourself with people who share your life goals. When I started having bad things around me, I had people snooping around my life like it was a TV soap. I felt judged and unmotivated. I even sulked in my bed for months.
Then one day I met my lovely Lithuanian bestfriends, Ieva, Siga and Arūnas who changed me in ways I can never explain. Ieva is my sunshine, Siga is my wolf, Arūnas is my recluse.
Ieva cheers me up when I am sad and makes me believe I can do it (even when I think I can’t and life sucks), while Siga is my motivator and talks real shit (still with love) into me when I cannot see things properly. Arūnas, who isn’t often around, pops in from time to time to check on me but when we do, he and I discuss universally-boggling things. It makes me laugh!
And you need the same kind of people: People who value you.
People who make you want to look forward to tomorrow.
These 3 friends I have replaced my old network with who are just friends by the name. I now have Positivity, Reality, and Timing. They are them. They help me understand that not often things go as planned, but they care and they understand me deeply – and still love me despite my many flaws.
Grow a solid professional network. As you build relationships with meaningful people, you need to also have individuals who reflect the kind of goal or the lifestyle that you aspire.
For example, if you want to be a photographer, make friends with photographers and photography enthusiasts.
Are you an aspiring artist? Are the people around you not into your art? Change it! Be friends with fellow beings who share appreciation for your craft. That way it leaves you no gap for demotivation because you are surrounded by your dream.
If you don’t know where to start, you can join our art collective, Amplified27 or subscribe to my private non-profit organization Pass On The Dream. We are a team of motivating and passion-driven people. We work for what we love so if you feel alone and can’t find your crowd, I encourage you to be surrounded by us!
Why is failure important, Iris?
The reason why failure is important to success is because during these times you transition to a better you. If I were to give you a marketing reference, life would be called A/B testing in marketing. You test and fail, so you know what works next time. You learn. Whichever works, is your call. You take the lead.
I hope this made sense.
And to you, whoever you are… if you are going through something even remotely similar, you are great. Thank you for living your life. Do not think that you are otherwise. If you still feel like life is difficult, I’m an email away and let me help you get through it.
But for now, I’ll leave you with this quote…
When life gets too overwhelming and things go bad, when your family does not understand why, when your friends are too busy to listen or meet… All you really have is yourself. You cannot depend on anyone else to feel better. It’s an advice I always tell when people ask me how to get better, how to move on or how to be happy. Sometimes you really just have to fake it and make it. We all have these days. But at times these days get worse. We forget there is a world beyond our room, beyond the bed we choose to hide in. It is extremely difficult to motivate myself when it happens, and when I hear discouraging words I start to lose belief in my talents. But today I am proud of myself. Not for doing something great. But just to be able to wake up one more day and get up from the bed and try again. And if you are feeling awful today… Here’s to you. You brave little human being. You’ve lived all these years and fought your way through. And regardless of how many times you got stuck with pain, you cradled it with change and you fight. That’s the spirit! Go and make more moments. I’m proud of you.Iris Buenconsejo